Dip Dip. Dog Shit. Who trod in it?

I trod in dog shit. Fuck. Man, I was sitting in my room doing my TAFE work, and I noticed this horrid smell. It didn't take too long before I checked my shoes, and there it was! A present from old Rover! I spent like 30 mins cleaning my shoes, but the annoying thing is that I swear I can still smell it. I don't know where the hell it is though.

I love dogs, but I would have no reservations about kicking the hell out of the dog that punished my poor old shoes. Not to mention my poor old nose. That dog needs to change it's diet.

EDIT: It's been a while, and I have not trod in any more dog shit

The Grand Old Heckler

That's me. The Grand Old Heckler. Fuck, I am such a good heckler, I don't even have to try to successfully throw comedians off their game. Let me explain.

My friend entered a stand-up comedy competition, and he performed last night. Basically, over several months, every Tuesday, this comedy club will host 10 entrants. Each entrant has five minutes on stage to do their comic routine. My friend was of course very nervous. He came on eighth. I must say that the standard of the other "would be" comedians was quite good. Most the jokes were funny, it was just the delivery which separated who would win or lose. I guess confidence really pays off in comedy.

My friend gets up anyway, and he's doing his thing. I thought he was going OK, although he really wasn't getting many laughs. Not even his own friends were laughing, which was pretty bad. But honestly, his jokes were not so bad. The only problem was that they were probably a bit risque for the audience in attendance that night

He's nearing toward the end of his set. A red light comes on to tell him that he has one minute remaining. He tells a story about a cab driver he got a ride with once, and asked him for a blow job. He goes on to explain how he was so disgusted that the cab driver would ask HIM for a blow job. If anyone was gonna suck anyone's dick, it would be the cabbie doing the sucking - that was the joke. A bit silly, but I laughed. Pretty loud. I don't know, I felt bad about the silence in the club. My friend made the comment. "Well, at least I got one laugh... and he's a friend!". That's fine, people chuckled at that, so why could I just leave it. No. I had to say something in return.
"That's because I know it's true"

Just what my friend would want people to know. Why the hell did I say that. See, he had told me the story a long time ago, and how this dirty old cab driver asked him to suck his dick, and then asked him if he had any friends who would do it. Of course my mate got out of the cab and made his own way home after that, but yeah, it was true. But of course an audience in a comedy club is not meant to know that.

Anyway, that's what I said; "That's because I know it's true". Lame. I didn't really intend to say it loud, but everyone heard me, and then someone from up the back called out "He must be the cab driver".

Fuck. That guy got more laughs than any of my friends jokes. Then I called back "Sure, Does anyone want a ride after the show?". I have a problem. I just can't shut the fuck up. My friend couldn't really recover from any of this, and stood there on stage looking rather embarrassed and said "um... I can't remember what I was going to say now...".

Yep, I am a great Heckler. I ruined my friends stand up routine, because I can't shut my damn mouth. If only I could have applied this tactic on his competition; then maybe he might have had a chance.

Oh well. I can only assume I won't be invited to his next comedy performance (if he ever gets the guts to do it again).

I'm only writing this thing because I don't want to do my TAFE assignment. Crap. I really should do it...

Blogging is not my bag baby

We have begun working on our Diploma programming project. I need to implement several different existing web applications into our project, and so I am going to include synchronisation with Blogger accounts.

I've never used Blogger in my life, so this could be interesting.

So the coming blogs are just me practicing with the Google APIs.
What a hoot. I hate my life. Blah.